Please stop casting James Cromwell as a bad guy in movies where we are not supposed to know who the bad guy is until the end. Yes, he is a great actor and makes a delightful bad guy. However, we see James Cromwell, we know who the bad guy is. There is no surprise. You are free to continue to cast James Cromwell in these movies and expect us to be surprised by the reveal of who the bad guy is on two occasions:
1) He is not the bad guy, it's some other dude/dudette
2) He is the bad guy but he is accompanied by a talking and singing pig (This will probably only work once and it will kill a part of my soul.)
Please take this under advisement or else continue to expect me to figure out who the bad guy is as soon as James Cromwell shows up in a movie.
Thanks for your time.
I'm a bit curious what my brain is trying to sort out with this. I'm also wondering if this was a little stand-alone thing or part of a larger dream. I think it has less to do with his death and is more about . . . being silenced? Another person/thing/whatever taking control of my life or an aspect of it in some way? Something along the lines of losing autonomy. Or maybe something else entirely.
I don't remember much, if any of my dreams so it's kind of neat when I do.
It has been a year since the accident that killed Brendan aka Dizfactor, aka Dizzy, aka Prime. I really can't believe a year has passed already.
Everyone who comes into my life has an effect on me in some way(s). Brendan is one of the few who utterly changed my world. Maybe I should say expanded. That's probably a better word. New ideas, music, events, etc. He's the first person who ever told me about this thing called Burning Man that I still have yet to go to. There are two books that I am reading or about to read that I heard about from him. Would I have learned about these things eventually from other people, other ways? Maybe. Probably. I'm glad I didn't.
I met him the first time I went to Sabbat. It was still at Shooters then. He was a friend of the friend who invited me out. I'm pretty sure no more than introductions occurred. The second time I went to Sabbat we spent a little more time together and he kissed me when I stood up from putting down my coat. Which totally caught me by surprise and created a bit of drama. He called me about this drama and we talked for an hour? Two hours? I never would have thought that we'd become close. I didn't think that we had anything at all in common. This was . . . 8 years ago? Maybe?
It's kind of amazing how a thing that seems so random and minor at the time has the capability of having this huge impact on your life.
Some of you reading this knew him well, met him once or twice, or knew him in passing. Those of you who never met him . . . I wish you could have. There is no one else in this world like him although I will sometimes catch a glimpse of him in someone. And it's usually a glimpse that only makes sense to me in some strange way. Brendan was inspirationally fabulous, one of the smartest people I have ever known, always up for an adventure, huge heart, random, silly, fantastic dresser, utterly unique, strong, fragile, romantic . . . and that doesn't even begin to cover it. He was one of my best friends and I think I idolized him a bit.
Memories. Do I start with the one I hold most dear or save it for the end? I think I'll save it. I will also say that there are some memories that I hold that I am not sharing in a public forum.
Memory: Brendan, his girlfriend Megan (another amazing person I am lucky to know), Marty (also fucking amazing), Ben (yet another amazing person and the husband of the incredibly amazing M), and I are at Disneyland to celebrate the birthdays of me and Megan. We're standing in line for Indiana Jones and taking in the bamboo scaffolding. I can't recall exactly how it began but we end up having a conversation about the plight of the inner city panda. You see, the use of bamboo for scaffolding has created a shortage in the forests. This has caused the pandas to move to the cities since that is where the bamboo is now. Of course now the pandas also have to deal with city problems: living in the slums, crack addiction, you know. Truly a tragedy. I think that day is also when I was told about The Secret of the Squirrel.
Memory: A group of us are going to see Nick Cave at the Wiltern in LA. I'm at Megan's getting ready with her and Brendan. I brought a huge trash bag full of clothes because I wasn't sure what to wear. Brendan ends up borrowing my long sleeved goddess shirt and long black velvet skirt. He looked amazing. Way better than I did in those.
Memory: We went to see Tori Amos at Spreckles theatre. It was the Strange Little Girls tour. Amazing concert.
Memory: I was house sitting for a family friend in an apartment by the beach during Christmas. Brendan ended up staying with me most of the time. His car broke down at one point so I was driving him to work. One night, we watched "The Pillow Book". One night I had a party.
Memory: We'd gone to Ra for his birthday. After that some of us went back to his and Megan's place. Most left after a bit. Me, Brendan, Meg, Jen, and JD ended up hanging out all night chatting and such.
Memory: The second to last time I saw Brendan was at Sabbat. This was the last time I really hung out with him for any length of time. He was wearing a gold sequin shirt. After Sabbat a group of us went to hang out at Ryan's for awhile. After Brendan died, Ryan gave me a few sequins that he'd found laying around his apartment. I still have them.
Memory: The second Lord of the Rings movie was coming out. Brendan and Megan had decided they were going to dress as Orcs and protest the portrayal of Orcs in the movie. I decided to join them. They let us march in the theatre and offered to let us see the movie for free. Unfortunately, we all had to be up rather early the next morning and couldn't do a midnight showing of a movie that lasts for days.
Memory: He gave me a mix cd. I'd never heard a lot of the bands before. A few of my favorite songs are on that cd. It's still my favorite mix cd.
Memory: This is the big one. He lived off of Washington St near Little Italy for awhile. I had a huge break between classes right around the time he got home from work so I would go hang out. We'd usually take a walk into Hillcrest and talk about . . . everything. There is a kind of odd building on 5th Avenue that reminds me of him every time I pass it. We investigated it on one of our walks. Sometimes we'd end up walking all the way to Balboa Park. I ended up missing the class I was supposed to be at in the evening quite a bit. I would give anything to be able to do that one more time.
I have spoken at two funeral/memorial services. The first was my grandfather's and Brendan was there, being supportive. The second was the memorial for Brendan, almost a year ago.
I am missing Brendan a lot right now. I wish I could talk to him about the things that are going on. I wish I could make him listen to Movits! although he probably would have heard them already. I wish . . . I wish there had been more time. But that's the standard wish. It still . . . his death still doesn't seem quite real. I still sometimes feel like I could run into him any minute or get an im from him. It still doesn't quite seem possible that he's dead.
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